My Holiday Travel Plans by Proxy

Plinky asked me, “Taking any trips this holiday season?”

Manchester Airport snow removal

I feel like I’ve taken a trip. My daughter tried to fly home from France on Dec. 19, and was stuck at Charles deGaulle airport in Paris for 2 nights. That is after she took a 6 hour train to Geneva airport and was delayed there for 8 hours before flying to Paris. She slept on the airport floor the first night. Did I mention they also lost her luggage? Well, it is in a pile of 30,000 bags taken off canceled planes and thrown in a pile. We still haven’t seen it.

This past Sunday, both of my kids left for France. But, did they book the same flights? Of course not. My daughter left Pittsburgh for Charles deGaulle and then on to Geneva, Switzerland. My son left Pittsburgh for Philadelphia. Yeah, he got stuck there. I don’t know why, but his flight was not canceled. Even after 3 hours and the pilot realized something was “leaking”. They had to put that plane away and get a new one. His flight did manage to leave, but 5 hours late. So, of course he missed his connecting flight to Geneva.

My daughter called from Geneva to let me know that Adam wasn’t at the airport. I told her to take out the book she bought on the way to the airport and read for awhile. I had no idea if he would be able to get a flight from Frankfurt, Germany, to Geneva, to meet up with her.

I finally got a facebook message that they met up and were now in Lyon, France.

This armchair traveler, air traffic controller mom doesn’t want to travel again for awhile.

Funny People:Newhart, Burnett, Degeneres

Plinky asked me, “Who are the top three funniest people in the world?”

Bob Newhart

There are a lot of funny people in the world. My favorite are the ones who have the facial expressions that explain it all. Deadpan humor. I think Bob Newhart, Carol Burnett, and Ellen Degeneres are all in that category.

I love the telephone skits with Bob Newhart. I used to cry laughing while watching Carol Burnett trying NOT to laugh. And there was an episode of the “Ellen” in 1995 with Martha Stewart that has to be one of the funniest episodes of tv.

I should mention Lucille Ball, but that goes without saying.

A Letter to Someone from High School

Plinky asked me, "Write a letter to someone you knew in high school."

School cafeteria

Dear Debbie S.,

I am sorry I hid crayfish claws in your cole slaw. It was funny when you went to eat a bite, and the claw was sitting on your fork. I almost peed my pants laughing. I also want to apologize for hanging the formaldehyde frog body on rubber bands and when you opened your locker, it flung out at you. I don't know what the hell was wrong with me. I guess I just felt the need to recycle biology dissections.

Sincerely,

Vickie

PS- I was also the one who put the dried up worm in your book as a book marker. My bad.

Three Countries I’d Like to Visit

Plinky asked me, “List three countries you’d like to visit.”

Bag Pipe Player

After my daughter was stuck at the Charles de Gaulle airport for three days and just made it home last night, I would like to eliminate France from my choices. She was given a neon green fleece blanket and had to sleep on the airport floor the first night. All she ate was a Kit Kat bar. She stood in 6 hour lines. I’m not happy with Chuck Airport right now. My daughter is living in the small town of Louhans right now, and I have plans to visit her in the spring, but that doesn’t mean I want to.

So, I would like to visit Scotland. My son and I have plans to visit when he finishes his PHD. I’d like to buy him a beer, hire a bag-pipe player (he can have a beer too), and go sit at the edge of Loch Ness with my camera, and wait for Nessie to emerge from the water.

My second destination that I would like to visit is Canada. Now, I know it is our neighbor to the north, and shouldn’t I be a little bit more original, but no. I want to take a train trip by myself next summer (or when my poor old cat passes), whichever comes first. I want to end up in Victoria, BC, because I once heard that was the most beautiful place on Earth. I was married for 25 years, and I just want to do something by myself, for myself. Train travel through a beautiful country sounds like a great fit for me.

My third choice is Switzerland. My daughter took a train there from France to catch a plane from Geneva to Paris and stayed 2 nights in Geneva. She loved it. So, I am pretty sure I will be flying into Geneva in April when I visit my daughter. I don’t want to fly into Charles de Gaulle. I would like to buy some Swiss chocolate, a cuckoo clock and wear my hair in braids one day and yodel on top of a mountain. How fun that would be!

My daughter is flying back to Charles de Gaulle airport on Sunday…le sigh

Well Intentioned Untruths

Plinky asked me, “Is it always better to know the truth, even when it hurts?”

Free Child Coloring with Baby Blue Color Crayon Creative Commons

When my little girl came to me with a drawing she made of a cat, and asked me if I liked it, what was I supposed to say? “Oh, sweetie, if I were you, I wouldn’t draw anymore, because, damn, you can’t draw worth shit.” Especially when the picture was of a sheep.

Now, the question was, “Is it ALWAYS better to know the truth?” Of course not. Case in point” Santa Claus. Haircuts. You can’t get a do-over with a haircut. What are you going to tell someone, “Wow! Well, it’ll grow out.” That would hurt my feelings more than a lie. What about glasses?. I can go on and on. People lie because they don’t want to hurt feelings.

People aren’t telling the truth. There are many people on the beach wearing bikini’s. Someone had to tell them they looked fine. Lies.

Watch the talent competition in any beauty pageant. Did anyone tell those poor girls to please not open their mouths? Lies.

If the world was full of truths, life would be very sad. And no one would be drawing. You need have balance in your life. Same with the lies and the truths. I think you need to have a little of both. Or no one is going to sit on Santa’s lap.

My Phyllis Diller Laugh

Plinky asked me, “Describe what your laugh sounds like.”

Phyllis Diller research. AP ON TV PIONEERS OF TELEVISION

When I laugh very hard, you won’t hear laughter. It is one of those body-shaking, holding onto your stomach, mouth-open but no sound coming out kind of laughs. But, when something strikes me particularly funny, a one-syllabled Phyllis Diller laugh jumps out of my mouth.

Laughter is a big part of who I am. I try to get my fourth graders to laugh each day. Usually at me. It may be the only time they laugh during the day. You just don’t know what they go home to each day.

I have a quote on my facebook that is perfect for me. It says, “If you laugh at yourself, you will never cease to be amused.” Shirley MacLaine.

So, I laugh.

Run!!

Plinky asked me, “If there were no consequences, what’s the most evil thing you would do?”

Animal Walk — Baltimore

Well, I probably would rob a bank , so I would have the funds to go to a circus and release all of the poor animals that they have caged up for our entertainment. I would have them shipped to a secret location so they can live out the rest of their lives just being themselves. And then I would do it again….many times.

And Where Do You Get Off Calling Me Nick?

Plinky asked me, "Name your favorite holiday movie"

I don't know how many times I have watched It's a Wonderful Life, but I never tire of it.

Wacky Advice — But Useful

Plinky aske me, “Describe the wackiest but most useful advice you’ve ever received.”

In the good old summertime. [canoe] (LOC)

I have heard the saying, “Don’t be up a creek without a paddle” since I was little. My mom never bothered to expain what the hell she was talking about. I wasn’t in a creek, and I didn’t know how to paddle. It wasn’t until I was in fourth grade, that I heard my teacher, Miss Emler, explain the meaning.

“Well, Vickie, you don’t have your Math homework? Well, you’re just up a creek without a paddle, now aren’t you?” Shit! There it is again.

“I don’t live near a creek.” I replied.

“Ok, Little Missy Foo Foo. You can take your smart mouth and go sit in the Dumb Row.”

She put me in the dumb row. She had a sign in front of a row of those old connected desks that actually said, “Dumb Row.” I wasn’t trying to be funny. I really didn’t know what the hell she was talking about. Why were adults so messed up? So, I started crying. Hard. I went up to her desk, and told her that I never knew what that saying meant. Told her my mom said it about every day and I was always up a creek without a paddle.

So, Miss Emler told me what it meant. “Be prepared or you will be stuck.”

I just looked at her. All this time, and that’s all it meant?

Why couldn’t they just say, “Be prepared ?”

I had to sit in the Dumb Row for not understanding. I guess that makes sense.

You Talkin’ To Me?

Plinky asked me, “What is your favorite sound?”

Northern Mockingbird in the Cloisters City Park pond, Morro Bay, CA 2

     I enjoy many sounds: laughing, thunder and rain, water flowing down a stream. But the one sound I enjoy the most is a mockingbird. I am highly amused by their repertoire of musical selections.

     The mockingbirds at my country home have mimicked a red-tailed hawk, a cat, a gate opening, and all the other birds that are in close proximity. I love to sit under the shade of the oak tree and open my ears, hoping I can hear him in the distance. As if on cue, the mockingbird flies from a neighboring tree, and perches himself atop my roof, staring at me. Yes, I am ready for your performance.

And it begins…